Photographs
by Mucada
Summary: Chapter three of RemusTonks lovin'. More plot action. Big Thanks to everyone to gave incite the first two chapters.
1. Photographs

Title: Photographs  
Author: Mucada  
Rating: PG-13 for language and the mention of drugs and alcohol  
Disclaimer: Not mine, JK's  
A/N: Okay, so I write lotsa Remus-Tonks stuff. This is my take on how they met. Pretty simple. If you read my other stories featuring them, you know how I portray them, and the settings I use. All my other works are plotless, as is this (thusfar) and are simple characteristics of them.  
Summary: Perhaps WIP, not sure yet. Remus and Tonks meet for the first time.

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"Well, everything seems to be in order. Until our next meeting," Albus Dumbledore, said, facing the room filled with murmuring witches and wizards. The old man stood up from his seat at the head of the table, which seemed to have signaled everyone else to begin chatting and moving around. Molly Weasley began to shout over the cacophony, asking if anyone would like some tea. There were many responses all at once as she began to prepare a pot. Someone opened the door to the kitchen, and more people began to enter to already crowded room. Soon the Weasley kids began to ask questions, Molly Weasley hushing them quickly.

"Remus," Dumbledore said, to the man standing behind him, "I have somebody for you to meet. I believe she just joined our ranks. Miss Tonks?" There was clatter and banging and loud talking, and Remus thought for a moment that the old headmaster might have gone mad, thinking someone would hear his voice over all the commotion.

But the young woman came forward from the sea of people, stumbling once and making a face of mild embarrassment. The headmaster held his arm out gallantly, and she grabbed it, obviously feeling even more embarrassed having taken his aid. She was a small woman, with wild pink hair that messily stuck up in every direction. With hair like that, Remus surprised himself that he hadn't seen her sooner. She had a pleasant face, a very pleasant face, he admitted. Sexy almost, in a way that would keep a man on his toes, a way that he would regret but love at the same time. Remus smiled toothlessly, not yet able to admit to himself that he felt intimidated.

"Nymphadora," Dumbledore said, "I would like you to meet Remus Lupin, an old friend of mine." _An old friend of mine._ Remus couldn't help but feel a small pressure of emotion building inside his chest, feeling honored that the headmaster considered him a friend.

"It's Tonks," the woman said, holding out her hand boldly, in a way that was quite confident, as if she had totally forgotten moments before how embarrassed she had been.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Tonks," he heard himself saying, taking her small hand in his. She had an unusually strong grip. Tonks. That name was familiar, very vague, like a name he once heard a long time ago. He couldn't have known her; she was too young to be at Hogwarts during his time there. And he didn't remember her from any of his travels, either.

"Nymphadora is the daughter of Andromeda, Sirius' cousin." There it was. That same girl, about 7 or 8, being ignored by the older kids one summer at Sirius', lost amongst the restless teenagers and arguing adults. Why the hell hadn't Sirius told him they were still around? They obviously weren't like the rest of the Black family, in a manner more kindred than Sirius could say about any of his other relatives. He was sure Sirius would have mentioned, quite happily in fact, that one of his cousins was joining their ranks. Unless, he wasn't happy about Tonks being in the Order. He continued to look at the petite woman. The top of her head barely reached his neck. That bastard, Remus thought, so fucking self-righteous.

"I think I'll leave you two at that," the old man said, a hand on each other their shoulders, like the kind and happy grandfather figure he was. He left to go speak with Mrs. Weasley, politely asking if he may have a biscuit from the tin she was placing in a cupboard, away from her hungry children. She told him as respectfully as she could that dinner was being served shortly. Remus grinned.

"Quite a tiger, that Molly is," Tonks said, nodding her head in the direction Remus was looking. Remus nodded, still smiling.

"You're that artsy friend of Sirius' right?" she asked suddenly, more of a statement than as actual question.

"Smartly observant for a 7 year old," he replied. They only met once, if he remembered correctly.

"I was 8, and I have pictures of you." He laughed. Tonks perfectly arched eyebrows shot up into her tousled pink hair. "I'm sorry, that sounded so much like I've stalked you over the years. What I meant was that I for some reason have pictures from that lovely family get together. And they're muggle too, which is quite odd, isn't it? I really have no idea why I have them, actually…" She was rambling, her voice ending in mild curiosity, and mild embarrassment.

"I was rambling, wasn't I," she said, as he laughed lightly. She really was a pleasant person to be around.

"It's alright, Nymphadora," he said, smiling as her.

"My name's such a mouthful, don't even bother with it. I'm just Tonks."

"Do you want to get out of here?" he found himself saying suddenly, "It's really crowded here."

"I'd actually like that. What to see the pictures? They're actually quite funny. You're all drunk, as was the person taking the pictures."

"I'd love that."

"Professor Lupin!" a shout came from the other end of the kitchen. Remus grinned, almost sheepishly, looking over to see two devilishly happy twins, a dreadful looking Ron, and an imposingly skeptical Hermione. It was Ginny who had called him, with a grin on her face that matched the twins.

"I've been beckoned," he said, turning back to her.

"Meet me in that old study, it's the one filled with old muggle records and books. _Professor_." She grinned wickedly at him, turning around and walking around all the people. He exhaled with a nervous smile, his stomach for some reason flipping. He couldn't help but watch the way her hips swung with each step she took. He breathed in quickly, and walked over to the group of teenagers.

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"Of course I know this room well. I sort of claimed it as my mine," he said, taking a seat on the old couch. Now Tonks saw it, all of the interesting things around her. It made her excited and embarrassed at the same time. All the vinyl must have been his, as well as the stringed instruments and old books. She wondered, more excitedly, if the lingering smell of musk and coffee in the couch was from him as well.

"I'm sorry, I really had no idea this was your room. I just offered it because it was comfortable." _And, _she thought wickedly, _because it smells like weed and has funny old muggle records in it. _She'd never admit to spending time in here, even though she liked to search through the music and read the old books.

"Don't be sorry, how would you have known? Feel free to come in any time you wish."

"Thanks," she said in a small voice. She did feel like she was intruding on his space, even though he seemed unfazed. He was a polite man, and Tonks to tell, also a gentleman.

"Are all those records yours?" she asked, before she could stop herself.

"Yes, I'm quite fond of muggle music. Have you listened to some of them?"

"Just a little." _Or many._ She was surprised they hadn't run into each other.

"Do you have any particular favourites?" he asked, standing up and crouching down to flip through the boxes on the floor, his back to her. She would see the muscles of his shoulders contracting with his movements.

"Actually, if you don't mind, she sings about taxi's. I don't really know who she is."

"Joni Mitchell," he answered, automatically, pulling out an old record. _Miles of Aisles_ was its title. "She's a painter as well. Her older work is the best though, but I do like _Big Yellow Taxi_ and _Both Sides Now_."

"Do you know a lot about muggle music?" Tonks asked, leaning forward on her elbows.

"More than your average witch or wizard, but probably not as much as a muggle, obviously," he said, placing the needle of the player onto the record. It crackled at first, followed by the growing sound of an audience cheering. He rejoined her on the couch, and she watched as the record spun around, light dimly reflecting off of it and onto the open lid of the machine. Some things where more powerful than magic.

"Did you bring the pictures?" he asked, almost like he was asking if she brought drugs. In fact, she should probably be the one asked him that. He appeared to be the type who might just smoke weed on the weekends. In fact, the smell lingered in the room, and he probably did. He looked like one of those old muggle hippies that she had seen in photographs in Muggle Studies while she was at school: long hair, weathered sandals, a cotton shirt halfway unbuttoned that he might have slept in, if he slept on the couch they were sitting on now. But he had a very gentle, almost aloof demeanor, with light, soft green eyes and a strikingly handsome face. His hair wasn't too long, wavy and sandy brown, the type she would love to just run her hands through. _What?_ She mentally smacked herself.

She had an entire box of photos, some muggle and some magical, all mixed up. Some were from before she was born, from her mother, from her days at school. She and Remus were content just sitting on the old couch, with music playing softly in the background, looking from picture to picture, swapping stories about anything. Tonks told stories about her time training to become an auror, and he told some stories about his friends at Hogwarts.

They finally got to the end, looking at the old pictures from the night a long time ago. Indeed, Tonks had remembered correctly, and everyone seemed to be drunk. For a family too burdened by evil and intense hatred for each other, while intoxicated they appeared to be enjoying themselves, all except Tonks, easily the youngest person there.

"You seem so miserable," he murmured, as they came to a picture of Tonks feigning a smile for the photographer, who she came to realize, was probably her father, who was too busy having fun to notice the teenagers, not that he would have cared. Her father liked everyone happy, regardless. She was sure her dad and Remus would like each other. _Sure, _she thought, _get a jump on that. Have him meet the parents. _

"Yeah, well you were off getting wasted and I was too young to find fun in all of it," she said, pulling forth a picture of a young Remus and Sirius, their arms around each other as they clicked bottles together. She thought of her cousin, probably downstairs, and of the man sitting against her on the sofa, and how they changed so much, over not too long of a time. She glanced quickly at Remus, catching a glimpse of his younger self in his eyes and smile. The photographed Remus was only a younger stage of the same man. He was more mature looking than James or Peter, who were in the next photo, but still held some innocence that was no longer seen in the older Remus.

"We're all happy here," he said softly, a hint of sadness in his hoarse voice. "Thank you for showing these to me, Tonks."

She nodded, looking down at the old photo, which was still, capturing a moment in time, all the emotions, the joy and short lived ecstasy of their young lives.

"Hey," she said brightly, nudging him lightly with her arm, "I haven't seen you since I was 8; tell me what you've been up to. And only the happy parts right now." He smiled, mirroring her expression.

He stood up from the couch, walking over to the record player and flipping the vinyl over. After doing so, he paused for a moment before pulling a book out from the crammed shelf. He rejoined her on the couch, and opened the small book. It appeared to be a journal, old pages crisp in his hands. He pulled a picture out between the pages. It was a muggle photograph, of tall buildings and bright lights. The sky behind the buildings was a strong blue of twilight, and seemed to shine unlike anything Tonks had ever seen before.

"I traveled," he said simply, motioning with the photograph.

"Where's that?"

"New York City. I stayed there for a little bit, in the early eighties. I traveled to California, and in-between, as a muggle." He began to flip through the pages, pulling out more photographs, and continued, "Spain, Australia, India, Iceland even, but that was on business for the Order." Impressive.

"Why as a muggle?"

"I… wanted a break from the magical world. It hadn't been too kind to me," he said in a low voice. She wished she hadn't asked, now knowing what he was referring to.

"You got around," she said, examining the photographs. She didn't want to bring him back down that path. Pictures of waterfalls, beautiful green hills, the large waves of the ocean. She felt small next to Remus, her short life seemed like nothing next to his fulfilled one.

"Just for a little while. I was going some work for Dumbledore, after Voldemort disappeared. I taught briefly, in France and then at Hogwarts."

"Do you like teaching?"

"Very much so. I love being surrounded by academic minds."

"Are you a writer?"

"Not of words, but I like music."

"Was Defense all you taught?"

"Yes, but it was for a short while."

"I'm sorry, it seems like I'm interrogating you," she said, looking down at the picture in her hands, of dark, jagged cliffs high above the force of a storming sea.

"Don't," he said. A moment went by and he then said, "I like this." She looked up at him, "I like talking with you, Tonks."

She smiled, unsure, but responded, "Me too, Remus." She felt like a teenager, stomaching flipping and face red.

Time passed, and the warm summer night found them still sitting in the study, asking each other questions. Remus opened the windows, letting in the cool summer air and dying sunlight. Downstairs became more quiet, members of the Order leaving after dinner. Remus produced a bottle of Firewhiskey, and they passed between themselves, soon becoming unbothered by anything. Tonks found herself enjoying Remus' company perhaps more than she would have while sober, as they began to tell each other more stories. Tonks hadn't had this much fun with a man in a while, probably before she started working for the Ministry, and she soon became more comfortable with him since when they met. He was wonderfully calm and nice, and he told good stories. And he was still gorgeous, even in the dim sight of her intoxicated mind, not that Tonks really noticed.

Much.

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This story might be a one night stand, but I'm not sure yet. I have some time on my hands right now, which means I might have time for a committed relationship with this one! ;)

As always, let me know what you think. :)


	2. Wild World

Title: Photographs/ Chapter 2: Wild World  
Author: Mucada  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language and serious themes  
Disclaimer: JK's not mine. Lyrics are Cat Stevens, or whomever wrote them originally. I'm not a stickler for props on lyrics. That's the folk lover in me. :)  
A/N: chapter two picks up and moves faster than the first, and for some reason, I'm immensely proud of this chapter. More detailed A/N at the bottom.  
Summary: Chapter two of WIP "She was only pretending today was a normal day. Again, he thought of that photograph." Remus-Tonks

_Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world  
I'll always remember you as a child, girl_  
-Cat

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"Hey, _Moony,_ how're you doing this fine morning?" asked one of the twins as Remus walked into the kitchen. _They're still here? I didn't even know Molly was here. _

They had found out about his infamous role in writing the Marauders' Map last night, after Ron had casually mentioned it without realizing, so he claimed. Both boys looked at him with identical grins.

"What'd you call him, Fred?" came Sirius' inquisitive voice from behind Remus.

"George," the boy corrected, still grinning at Remus.

"They found out about us, and the map," he said, pouring a cup of coffee and sitting down as far away from the twins as possible.

"Did they now?" Sirius asked with a smile, nodding at the twins. "Couldn't keep quite for long, mate. And, they have a right to know the truth about their old professor."

"Bloody brilliant, gentlemen. We give you our humble praise."

"You started us out, you know, when we were wee little first years."

"Started us on a wonderful journey though the art of mischief making."

"And for that—"

"We thank you."

"But we must be off."

"Work calls, you know."

"If you need us, we'll be—"

"Experimenting."

Remus had a hard time following the twins as they finished each others sentences. Was he hung over from the night before? Doubtful, he and Tonks barely finished the bottle between them.

The boys left, and Remus turned to Sirius who was trying to grab a piece of toast off of Ginny's plate, not able to find any himself, "You don't have to encourage them, Sirius. Molly would have my head if she found out I had some influence on them."

"Scared of her, mate?"

Ginny huffed, grabbing her toast back before Sirius could start eating it. "She's the devil when it comes to them, you know that," she said, glaring at Sirius.

"The devil, Virginia?" Ginny looked horrified, as Mrs. Weasley came into the kitchen.

"Remus, dear, will you help me string this line for the laundry?"

Remus stood up, grabbing one end of the chord and a vacant chair to stand on. Ron stared at his mother and said, "In the kitchen?"

"Yes, Ronald, where else would you want it, in the foyer where that wretched portrait is?"

Molly muttered to herself as she ordered Remus, "A little more to the right, dear, I don't want anyone bumping into it," as she patted him on the side of his leg. He stepped down from the old chair, and moved across the room to where Mrs. Weasley directed him, holding the line and handing it to him as soon as he stood up again.

"Careful, dear," she said, as he reached up to attach the line to the ceiling, on a hook that one time was probably used to hang a plant, or something of the sort.

Just then Tonks entered the kitchen, waving sleepily to everyone as she took a seat next to Sirius. Remus moved the chair back to the table, sitting next to Tonks. Humming to herself, Molly began to hang clothing: socks, shirts, Hogwarts robes, and to Ron's embarrassment and shock, underwear.

"Mum, why? This is the kitchen!" Ron said, in horror.

"Yea, I know, who wants to see something that disgusting," Ginny said to Ron. "Sorry, Hermione," she added, as a wicked afterthought.

"Ginny!" Hermione, Ron and Mrs. Weasley all glared at her, but she seemed unmoved by their outburst, shrugging and smiling as she sipped her tea. Remus, Tonks and Sirius all laughed.

"Oh, how rude of me," Sirius exclaimed, looking around at the bunch, hoping to calm the riff amongst the Weasleys and Hermione. "Everyone, this is my cousin Tonks. She's new to the Order," he said, holding the back of Tonks head, in a brotherly fashion and added, "Don't know why you're here this morning, actually…"

"Long night, is all," she said, catching Remus' eye with a smile. They weren't quick enough, and Sirius noticed the connection between the two.

"Remus, you know each other?"

"Not really, no, Padfoot," Remus asked, in mock confusion he knew Sirius would pick up on anyway, regardless if he said anything. He saw Tonks hide her smile behind her mug.

"Tonks," Sirius said, "How's your mother fairing?"

"Her and dad are in the South America on holiday now," she said simply, "but they're having a dreadful time, so it seems from her last letter."

"But it must be nice and warm," Sirius said, in a voice that suggested he wished he was someplace warm and sunny.

"Rainy season," Remus heard himself saying, without thinking. Tonks and Sirius said nothing more to each other about the subject, and the room became comfortably quiet as Molly continued to hang clothing, some of which Remus noticed was actually his. He felt touched that Molly felt the need to care for him in such a motherly way, in the way she automatically cared for her children. It was endearing, in a way that made Remus feel calm inside, like he was reliving some type of childhood memory, one of the family he never really had.

Sirius stood up to pour himself more coffee, and the remaining Weasleys all left, leaving their plates in the sink. Molly carried the empty basket she had the clothing in as she followed the teenagers up the stairs, and the three were left alone in the same silence. Molly closed the door at the top of the stairs behind her, and after a few moments Remus stood and began rummaging through one of the messy kitchen drawers. After a few minutes, he grew frustrated, and moved onto the second drawer that held nothing but miscellaneous junk thrown in without a thought: loose spoons, chewed quills, and a matchbook from some restaurant.

"Looking for these, Moony?" Sirius asked, as Remus spun around. He tossed a half crushed packet of cigarettes at him, which he caught. "Nicked them before Molly came down early this morning. You know how she is."

"Thanks," he said, with relief, placing one between his lips and lighting a match from the book he had previously tossed onto the table. It was an old habit, one he picked up at school, and one that he never bothered to break. He wasn't dying anytime soon, a gift from his lycanthropy. _More like a curse, though, _he thought as he exhaled a stream of smoke from his nose.

"Hey, what's with the nickname?" Tonks asked suddenly. Remus had almost forgotten she was there with them. Almost. Actually, not quite. At all. He grinned reminiscently, leaning back against the cold hard counter.

"Told you the first day I saw you again," Sirius said, glancing quickly at Remus, "Padfoot the big black dog, remember?"

"Are you an animagus too?" she asked, looking at Remus.

He paused, unsure. Tonks face was turned from Sirius, and he was glad she didn't see him humorlessly smiling at Remus, his eyes cast downward as if saying, _Just go for it, mate. She's a good one. _He knew that already, and didn't really need Sirius to tell him that, but the reassurance made him feel less shaky.

"Not quite," he started, crossing his legs and resting one elbow on his wrist, taking a drag from his burning cigarette. Sirius made a nondescript motion with his hand, and Remus tossed the packet of cigarettes across the table to him, which he caught. He lit one with his wand, not bothering with the matches lying on the table. _Taking the edge off, _Remus thought bitterly.

"Either you are or you're not," Tonks said, eyeing Remus with curiosity more that distrust.

"It's not that simple," he said, completely beating around the bush. Of course it was, he was a werewolf. Simply said, just not simply told.

Tonks turned and looked at Sirius, who was watching Remus intently, not taking his eyes off him. _What do you want me to say, Padfoot? _he thought. Sirius gave him an all too familiar look, as if telling him not to be so spineless. But Remus sometimes had a hard time trusting others, and this wasn't just a skeleton in his closet, it was more like a lot of dead bodies that he felt everyone he encountered suspected him of hiding. Everyone else currently in this house knew about his lycanthropy though, as well as many members of the Order, but for some reason, despite how much he trusted Tonks, he was just afraid to tell her. He was afraid of the rejection that he had experienced too many times in his life, and he was only given the chance to live normal by those close to him.

"I am…" he paused, inhaling smoke briefly, pretending it helped with his nervousness, "I have this condition." He could hear Sirius' place his hand down on the table, a little more forcefully than a simple movement.

"What is it?" she asked, almost anxious to hear.

"I'm a werewolf."

And then came the silence, there was no sound in the room except Sirius' sharp intake of smoke, sounding like an addicted chain smoker with a lot of nervousness. Tonks said nothing at first, picking up the carton of cigarettes and lighting one with the matches. Inhaling, she threw the blown out match on the table, which was still smoking.

"What can you do, you know," she said, letting the smoke stream from her mouth, "no harm in that. If we're all having a moment of sharing, I'll let you know that I'm a Metamorphmagus. See?" Her features scrunched up and suddenly her hair turned from pink to white, in a few seconds. She grabbed a lock of it, and tugged on it slightly, muttering, "I was hoping for light blonde. Oh well."

Her innocence made his heart pang with a feeling he could not place. It made him feel like his life had moved on to something dangerous in a matter of seconds, like the feeling he had many times when traveling to an unfamiliar place, or that night when Lily and James chose Sirius as their secret keeper. The feeling was just a reminder that nothing was only a speculation of what was to come, but rather it _was_ finally here, and his life was being lived, not waiting anymore to get a move on. But he felt certain happiness for her, like she still had a chance to have no pain. He remembered the still photo of her, from the night of the party that she showed him last night.

Sirius was nervous, and from Remus' position on the counter, he could see his whole body shaking from the foot he was bouncing against the floor under the table. He finally stood up and walked over past the hearth, throwing his cigarette onto the grey stone. Saying he had to go help Molly with cleaning one of the bedrooms, he left Remus and Tonks alone in the kitchen. He didn't once look at Remus as he left, and the door at the top of the stairs opened and shut with such softness, it made Remus carelessly throw his finished smoke into the sink next to him and quickly light another, so anxiously he was able to light it without a wand or match.

"It's no big deal, Remus," Tonks said, obviously fed up with the silence, although she had tried to hide her discomfort. "Really, anyone who would mind isn't worth your time."

"My parents minded," he said, sitting down across from her, the ground cold under his feet. He didn't even realize until now that he was barefoot. Where were his shoes? He could have sworn he put them on. He let out a noise that was supposed to be some type of laugh, but ended up sounding like a cough. Leaning against his elbows, he said in a voice that triggered a quick feeling of self-loathing, "How fucked up is that?"

"That's terrible," was all she could say. He didn't mind anything she said, as long as she didn't say that she was sorry. She held the burning cigarette between her fingers, looking down at her hands like they were foreign objects. He was again reminded of the picture and of that hazy night, the shy girl with the blue eyes, someone he totally looked over and had forgotten about until yesterday, when the forgotten night was brought back to him.

And then he looked up at Tonks, catching her eye for a moment, he watched as she changed her eye color to match his, which so much as moving a muscle this time. Her hair still white, she took a nervous drag, laughing strangely for one moment. She looked like an old woman who was trying to look young. Or, a young woman trying to look old, smoking a cigarette for the first time, or one of the first times, and holding nervous conversation with a character she never thought she would. She was only pretending today was a normal day. Again, he thought of that photograph.

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A/N: Thank you to all that have read and reviewed chapter 1. I feel like I have some sort of a chance with this, and I'm excited to continue with it.  
I have a request, of sorts:  
Anyone who reviews this, I was wondering if you might take the time to tell me exactly what you thought of this chapter or this story so far in general. I'm not being a picky writer who craves beefy reviews -I value all reviews-it's just that I have my own thoughts on this, and my own favourite moments in this story, and especially this chapter, and I want to see where the readers' interest lies. So, it would be wonderfully helpful and appreciated if you perhaps mentioned a section/line, or feeling that you liked about this. Thanks. :)

You don't have to do this, it's not like I'm forcing you all or anything.;) I just want to see what your specific thoughtsare on this.


	3. Something New

Title: Photographs, Chapter Three: Something New  
Author: Mucada  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: JK's  
A/N: I should start by saying that I am very New York, and some of that may rub off in my writing, although I try to conceal it, being that these characters are not from the same place as me. I have been to London though, I frequent the city actually, but I have never traveled there in the summer, so I may be off in a few places.  
This chapter is a little more Remus and a little less Tonks. This story is what happened during the summer before the kids' fifth year. Nothing about it is really AU, and it is mild to moderate character development, with a chance of romance and banter later in the writing.  
Summary: Chapter 3

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_Once upon a time  
When the world was just a pancake  
Fears would arise  
That if you went too far you'd fall  
But with the passage of time  
It all became more of a ball.  
We're as sure of that  
As we all once were when the world was flat_  
-DMB

"Where did you say you were going, Remus dear?" came Molly's voice from the hallway above. He glanced back quickly at the curtains that hid the portrait of Sirius' mother. They jerked ever so lightly, so subtly that he probably imagined it.

"Just for a walk in the park. I'll be back before dinner," was his reply. He didn't have to tell her where he was off to, but it was better to tell her now than try to explain himself to her later. She held no shame, or consideration for anyone, badgering them in front of everyone at dinner. Dumbledore had mentioned lightly that he would try to get out of the school for the day to have dinner with them, and discuss something with Remus, something Remus himself had been thinking about all week, wondering what it could be.

One month had gone by, the full moon 2 weeks gone, since Remus and Tonks talked in the kitchen about his lycanthropy. Since then, nothing was directly said about it again, even in their quiet moments at night when they listened to his old records and talked about anything they could think of. He enjoyed Tonks' company more than anyone else he knew right now: he was afraid of how to talk to Harry, who had come to Grimmauld Place 5 days ago, and Sirius was becoming restless by the days, upset that he couldn't leave the confinements of his own home. That was one of the reasons Remus failed to mention to Sirius that he was leaving this afternoon. For one, he and Tonks were meeting after her work, for a walk through Kensington Gardens, which was on the same street at the Ministry of Magic, if you could even say it was on a street. All this made Remus nervous, as he anticipated meeting her. He was unable to explain it however, since they spent a great deal of time together at the Black Manor. But the idea that this was something new was what made him feel restless.

Something new. Tonks was something new. Their sudden friendship was something he would never have expected. It was merely surprising, not strange, and as Remus walked down the street and away from the vanishing house, he began to realize how much he appreciated it. Finding friends always seemed harder as the years went by. He was unable to keep in touch with the muggles he became oddly acquainted to during his travels, because he didn't have a home, or any situated place someone could send a letter to. They were just the promises in far off lands, phone numbers written on lost pieces of paper to call when and if he ever returned, which was unlikely at this stage in his life.

And Sirius. They were at a dark moment in their relationship. Remus waited for Sirius to change, when he began thinking about him again, but he never did. He was still the young man how couldn't get his grip on anything, who was still waiting to get his life moving. It wasn't as if he was making up for the lost time in Azkaban, it was more like he pushed that entire period in his life out of the perspective, and wanted to pick up where he left off. He wanted to pick up where he and Remus left off, which was shaky to begin with, and something that Remus was unwilling and unable to do. Remus wasn't 20 years old anymore. He lived much of his life already, as far as he was concerned, and Sirius only saw Remus' movements as mere stories, not actual events that happened.

Still, Remus knew Sirius more than anyone, which helped because he hadn't changed since he returned. And besides being unable to find his balance with Sirius, he was unable to find ways to look past all that pain and anger he felt for Sirius during the time he was in Azkaban and was good as guilty as far as Remus knew or wanted to know. There were things about Sirius Remus never let go of, or wanted to forget about: things that Remus never noticed when they were young, but let come to the surface when Remus was sure he hated Sirius. This was the hardest to explain to himself. There was no feeling like it. Sometimes he felt that his life would have been better off if Sirius had always been guilty, it would have just given him that clear pain that he had grown used to dealing with. But now, if was something different, having to switch his hatred to another person, and having to take the animosity off of someone who never actually deserved it.

Then again, everyday he wished for his friends to be back: for Lily and James to have lived to see their son grow up and for Sirius to have actually lived through young adulthood. And for Peter, for Peter to not feel that his friends had little faith in him.

But nothing ever works out the way he wished it did, or he would never constantly think about what could have been.

He had subconsciously led himself into the run down underground near the street, and he stood in front of the metal turnstile, fumbling for his wallet as people walked around him. As he went through, he mapped his route in his head, gambling with his luck of actually taking the right stop. He knew the London Underground like any other muggle, but it had been years since he found himself needing to use the system, not since he had lived in the city after Hogwarts. He had then traveled for years, ran out of his small fortunes and the money Dumbledore gave him for Order business, and then was called to be a teacher at Hogwarts. After that one short year he used the money he made at Hogwarts to move to Paris –a spontaneously dangerous one- and then the Order formed again, bringing him to the Black Manor…

The compartment wasn't as crowded as he thought it would be, and the ride was neither long nor short. As Remus sat down, he quickly scanned the tube that was scattered with a few people: a few homeless looking fellows and a woman with a small child. The old train turned, and Remus watched as all the silent passengers swayed with its movement.

When he exited the station at High Street, he emerged from the Underground into strikingly different settings. The sun was sitting low on the horizon, casting its glow onto the busy street filled with tourists, people leaving work, and late shoppers and early diners. Remus didn't have to wait long before he saw Tonks walking out from an alleyway across the street, nonchalantly walking down the darker street. She stopped at the walkway with the rest of the people, waiting for the light to change. He watched her, realizing that this was the first time he ever saw her in public, walking amongst muggles and strangers alike. Not that it mattered, just something new.

When she reached his side of the street, he walked up to meet her, and she gave him and cheerful, friendly kiss on the cheek, touching her hand to his forearm.

"You made it," she said, even though she didn't sound surprised, "I wasn't sure you'd know what it looked like to get here."

"I took the tube," he said, as they walked into the nearest entrance into the Gardens. His face still tingled.

"Really?" She sounded mildly shocked.

"Preferred transportation, actually."

"You wander around the world like a muggle," she stated, her voice lowering as an entourage of middle-aged women briskly walked by, causing him to lean down to hear her, "Don't you get tired of it?"

"I just…find the satisfaction of a long journey rewarding, to say I came a long way. Sometimes magic makes us move too fast." She didn't see his way, but she was still young and didn't understand there was magic in the simple things. She probably wanted to rush through everything, like he did when the world was still newer to him. He just smiled, his fall back emotion that usually kept him out of trouble, especially with women.

As they walked, Tonks grabbed his hand at one point and held it without looking at him, only drawing his attention to one thing or another, like the moment wasn't happening. He felt sixteen again, and he wished that he didn't. She had no idea, her motions not deliberate or directed to him in the way he imagined them to be. Why was this happening now, when he felt his life was only at a standstill? He didn't expect anything new, and the new was Tonks, who came at him at high speed.

Tonks watched in fascination as two boys went past on skateboards, and she whispered excitedly, "That looks so wicked, whatever it is! We should try it sometime!" He couldn't help it, he laughed right at her, imaging Tonks, a woman who swore the umbrella stand moved each time she entered the house, keeping her balance while moving on wheels.

"What? Don't you laugh at me, Remus Lupin!" she exclaimed, swatting him on the arm.

"I'm sorry, love," he said, expecting another blow, but her attention was already adverted as they came to the Albert Memorial. She reminded him of a hummingbird. The gold statue sparkled in the sunlight, the entire structure impressive with its stone statues on either side of the throne and gold fencing.

"I'll give them credit for their lovely monuments," Tonks said with fake indifference, "but they don't move."

"Sometimes they aren't meant to. This fellow's sitting down, anyway."

888

Later that evening, Remus and Tonks found themselves in one of London's many mews, leaning against the brick wall of a closed store. They peered in through the glass door. Tonks groaned as rain fell against them.

"No one's in there, we can apparate."

"The rain will clear soon," Remus said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. She watched as water ran down his lovely face, against the line between his eyebrows that formed when he brought them together in frustration.

"Who cares, let's get out of here before we get soaked through," she said, looking at him.

There was a beat before he said rather weakly, "Someone will see us."

"There is no way in _hell_ that I'm waiting to go catch a tube," she said, knowing exactly what he was thinking. She pulled out her wand and he sighed, doing the same only after he looked around in all directions, up at the flats around them and onto the main street. People rushed about, some with umbrellas and others holding their newspapers and bags over their heads.

She imagined the warm kitchen of Grimmauld Place, Molly hopefully there cooking. With a crack she was out of the cold rain and in the kitchen. Everyone was sitting at the table like she imagined them, and they all looked up, Sirius, Molly, and Arthur all pulling their wands out at her. Within a second, Molly cast a drying spell over her and saying, "We weren't expecting you for dinner Tonks, but there's plenty here," as she prepared a plate for Tonks.

Remus arrived within a few seconds, and she gazed at him eyebrow rose, wondering what took him so long to follow her. He merely cast a drying spell over himself and offering her a faint smile that seemed to say, _I don't know what you're talking about_. He sat down next to her, acknowledging everyone seated at the table, stopped last at Harry and offering him a small smile. Sirius was sitting across from Tonks, and he gazed at her for a brief moment, then turning his full attention to Remus. Neither said anything as they stared at each other, like they were silently willing each other to move forward, as if by wandless magic.

Ron was talking excitedly to the twins, Ginny, Hermione, and Harry, causing Hermione to scold him, Harry to smile in mild and distracted amusement –a look shockingly similar to Remus' nonchalant gaze- and the twins and Ginny only laughed with approval. Sirius seemed to be listening in with suppressed amusement, a reminiscent gleam in his eye Tonks could only identify as subtle pride.

Molly broke the silence amongst the adults, saying, "Mad-Eye and Kingsley said they would stop by for dinner, didn't they, Arthur?" He nodded.

"Last I saw them before I left they were no where to be seen, but Moody isn't one to break promises," Tonks replied, taking more potatoes as Molly offered.

"And the Headmaster said he would be arriving as well," Arthur said, looking directly at Remus, who looked unmoved but she could feel him rippling under the surface. He took a long, silent sip from his glass of whatever gave him ease for the night. At the mention of Dumbledore, Tonks saw Harry look over to at them, and she caught his eye. It scared her how he made no indication, turning back to his friends and replying to something Hermione said.

Dinner progressed in the same fashion, and Kingsley and Moody arrived shortly, ringing the doorbell outside, which caused the portrait in the hallway to begin its tirade. When this happened, Remus sighed and stood up from his seat to let them in and silence the painting. They were all well into dessert, but Molly fixed them both with a plate of her wonderful food, only after scolding them for entering in such a way, and saying that they should have known better. Remus smiled brightly for the first time since they entered the old manor, which earned him a glare from Molly. Such a spitfire, that one.

Soon, everyone moved into one of the old sitting rooms that were already cleaned, while the kids were shooed upstairs by Molly. Remus and Tonks remained in the kitchen, sharing the one smoke left in his packet. It gave her a small thrill, passing the lit cigarette between them, and the one end that touched his mouth touched hers as well. They said nothing, and the moment felt like an old ritual even though it was something new. Remus did that to her: made everything new feel like a normal occurrence, like she was waiting for it her entire life and didn't even realize when it finally came.

The fire behind them crackled, and Tonks and Remus turned around to see Albus Dumbledore's head being licked by the flames. In no time, his entire long and brittle form folded out of the hearth. His blue eyes twinkled as always, a surprisingly strong light coming from such a lined face. He smiled tiredly at them both. When Remus stood up to shake his hand, the older man gently grabbed his shoulder, and Tonks could feel something pass through the air, but it was forgotten almost immediately.

"Miss Tonks," her old Headmaster said, as she stood up and took his hand, "I was wondering if I could have a short word with Remus alone."

"Of course," Tonks said, not shocked. She left the room and joined then rest of the adults in the cozy sitting room. She was surprised that she hadn't knocked over any furniture on her way there.

"Dumbledore's here," she told everyone as she sat and took the small glass of liquor that Sirius offered her.

"Is Remus with him or did you leave the poor man alone down there," Sirius asked brightly, obviously happy with the amount of alcohol he already consumed. It always seemed that everyone around here either spent their time smoking or drinking, but Tonks didn't even have to question why as she shot the hard liquor back, burning her throat and mouth. The pain lingered but she didn't mind.

888

"How have you been, sir?" Remus asked, watching Dumbledore slowly lower himself into the nearest chair. He sighed with the effort, and with nervous movement Remus had never seen before, he looked around the dark kitchen with heavy eyes. Remus felt more anxious and restless, so he stood up and began to feed the fire behind them, giving the once dim room more light.

"I have been better, my boy," he said. Remus kept his back to him as he poked the fire.

"Can I get you anything? Something to eat, something to drink?" he asked, making his way around the table and to the counter where he began to handle the glasses in the cupboard noisily. He felt like he was in school again. How many times has he found himself alone in the headmaster's presence, most likely in trouble? He felt like he was awaiting punishment: it was like a reflex.

"Perhaps a small brandy," he said, indicating a few centimeters with his right thumb and forefinger. Remus began to fix the drink, along with a glass of water for himself. If it was something serious they were going to discuss, he would piss himself away later that night, but not in front of Dumbledore.

Remus watched as the headmaster drew out his wand and cast a silent spell over in the direction of the door. He wondered but said nothing, yet Dumbledore told him anyway: "To keep young eavesdroppers away." He smiled, light eyes twinkling.

"I wanted to confide in you, Remus, about something I don't necessarily want to leave this room."

"I'm listening, sir," he answered, staring not at the other man but at the drink he put down in front of him, the liquid dancing back and forth against the sides of the glass and reflecting the light of the fire. At once when he put it down Dumbledore picked it up and held his glass out, which Remus toasted with his own glass of water. Neither said anything, but Remus held the other man's gaze as they took small sips.

"I have been troubled lately, mostly in the mind. It's hardly a grave issue as of yet."

"Then why are you telling me?" he asked, still unsure of what they were about to discuss.

"I have no intention of troubling you, all I am asking is your word and perhaps a little comfort," he said, adding in a lower voice, "which I fear will soon be hard to come by."

"Are you talking about the Ministry, how they can't see—"

"The Ministry will realize the truth soon, Remus."

"You don't suspect that Fudge is only pretending to not believe? That he really knows about Voldemort?" Remus knew because of the situation they were all in, what Dumbledore wanted to talk about, yet he let himself be shocked if not a little burdened. He wished for a cigarette.

"No, no, he is only denying Voldemort's return. He just doesn't want to believe that this is happening again. I don't blame him. You know as well as I do."

"Yes, but—"

"We should just leave it at that. Do not fret over the Ministry; we have more important things to worry about. Politics aren't what I came to talk to you about. I have been concerned lately, about Harry."

"Haven't we all," Remus said dryly. He felt himself swallowing the rest of his water down quickly, just out of the urge to do something with his hands and mouth.

"I want you to watch him for me," Dumbledore said, tilting his head down.

"We all are, sir."

"No, I don't want you to only watch out for his wellbeing, I want you to be careful around him. I am not blaming him, but I fear that Voldemort has an influence over him." he looked up, his eyes filled with such fatigue and such anxiety, Remus felt like the only thing he wanted to do was lie down somewhere and sleep for as long as it took for him to wake up and find the war over with and Voldemort gone.

"You think Voldemort plans to use Harry against the Order?"

"I'm not sure yet, but ever since last year, I have felt uneasy around him. It has been hard for me too look him in the eye, because I get this feeling that Voldemort isn't far away. It is almost as if Voldemort is present within the boy."

Remus sighed, saying, "It may be possible. But Harry knows how to fight his demons. He's been doing it for a long time now."

"Just promise me to keep an eye on him. Look for the unexpected. He is only human after all. I think we sometimes forget that."

"He has been on the edge lately, because he couldn't leave the Dursley's." The headmaster nodded, and Remus continued, "He questions you. He blames you." Hermione had told Remus, one late night not long ago that Harry was fed up and wanted answers. She was frustrated that he was mad at her and Ron, even though it wasn't their fault. Besides other things, Remus admired her for her truthfulness with herself, as well as her faith in the Headmaster. Remus could do nothing for her, only listen as she unburdened herself onto him, pleading for him to be the one adult around here that trusted her and her friends with the business of the Order. He was sorry to have let her down, but he had as much faith in Dumbledore as she did.

"I know. I am ashamed to admit that I have been avoiding him."

"Will you see him tonight? He's upstairs," Remus said, motioning with his hand above the ceiling.

"I can't," he said, rather weakly for a man of great power.

"Alright," Remus said, a little ruffled with the other man's sudden change in heart. He stood up, and Dumbledore followed.

"I will have to say goodnight to everyone. Anyone out of the ordinary here?" he asked, making light talk as Remus collected their glasses and placed them in the sink that was already crowded with the night's dinner.

"The usual, plus Mad-Eye Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt."

"Yes," he said rather distractedly as they walked up the stairs, "Yes, after that I must be off. The school needs its headmaster right now. You know Minerva, she's a blessing but unfortunately turns ferocious while under stress. I am already short on teachers and it would be tragic downsizing if we lost anymore."

888


End file.
